Thursday, February 29, 2024

Adventure Site Contest: Review #11 Lipply's Tavern

By: Grützi

Ruleset: AD&D, bitch!

Recommended Levels: 4 to 6 characters of levels 2-4

The Gist: Allright, look.  If we're going to allow Germans into our contests then they can't have a page count, they have to be put on a word count, with a mandatory white space reserve, a no acronym rule, and whatever they turn in must be able to be run by an Italian in less than 60 minutes of table time.

This adventure location does to halflings what the Brothers Grimm did to children's stories.  It took the West 300 years to recover from that, mainly through the herculean efforts of Walt Disney (the man), and it might take the liquor stores in my area slightly longer to restock.  The entire thing is a cunning trap.  It starts with the color choices, proceeds to 335 words of general location conditions, gives you a random encounter table that varies the dice notation by area, and says "making a Ruckus" more often than Bob Eubanks used the phrase "making whoopee" in 21 years of hosting the Newlywed Game. You could trap the souls of chaotic creatures in this layout.  It displays system mastery akin to how Nurse Ratchet displayed a thorough understanding of how to keep mentally ill people calm.

It's a hyper-organized version of this, OK?

Interspersed in all the Teutonism is a wealth of excellent content.  I only have three months to get ready for North Texas RPG Con, so I'm just going to give you some nibbles.

  • The poor halfling son who doesn't know his furry-footed dearly departed father worshipped the devil
  • Orcs and spiders negotiating treaties of coexistence via shamanic spells, like that bumper sticker come to life
  • An e-girl who isn't going to leave until she gets what she came for, but cannot call the manager
  • With orcs on location I don't want to think about why the liquid in the tub is brown water, but if you're willing to fish around you can find a skeleton that had a platinum dental plan in life
  • OK, OK, the orcs are torturing gnomes, I guess they're not so bad
  • The most valuable single treasure in the entire place is nearly a metric tonne of sauerkraut that survived the fire, paired with rare cheese in the cellars

Monster Roster: Massive

Treasure: Also absolutely massive, with monetary and magic riches galore, although collection is in a state of double jeopardy as it's not only what percentage the party will find, but also the percentage of that percentage the DM will find in the text.

Do I think this will work: a similar fashion to how the owners manual of a 2004 BMW Series 5 works in helping you change the oil in your car.

Do I like it: I do, I love it, although unlike the other entries it makes me feel angry and unclean at the same time.


You forgot to bold-italicize the word Ruckus on entry #3 on the random monster table, motherfucker.  What's another empty bottle of vodka on the top of the wastebin though.

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